When I started my path to health and wellness I got a lot of texts and calls from friends asking for smoothie recipes, products, books, and so much more. To be honest, I didn’t want to tell. Not because I wanted to keep all the good foods, natural products, and things I was learning about to myself instead I thought it was so important to take the journey yourself. I spent so much time researching, reading blogs, listening to podcasts, going to yoga and I thought that experience was so important and individualized. Then I realized, maybe I could be a part of your journey. I might be that blog you read or that person you message for advice. If I am I am humbled to be a part of that experience and I am excited to share!
Let’s start with a little story of why I am writing this blog that may resonate with some of you. Approaching graduation from law school I began suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. I was frustrated, overwhelmed, sad, happy, excited, and scared all at the same time. At first, I was looking for the reasons why I would be anxious. I was incredibly successful in law school and I landed a dream job. I have a family who is amazing, a boyfriend who loves me, and the cutest pets ever! So why? What was most frustrating about this process was my lack of an answer. If I didn’t have an answer then certainly other people weren’t going to have an answer to why “I” was having anxiety. So of course, I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want to come off as a complainer, weak, or as a hypochondriac – so I put on my big girl pants and decided I would deal with it myself. I had suffered from anxiety and panic attacks at the start of college for different, but known reasons so I knew the process and I knew I could handle it! Right?
You know where that got me? I was coming home from work early, sleeping in the middle of the afternoon, giving up on social things, buying things to make me feel better. After weeks of this process, I realized this couldn’t work. I was about to begin studying for the bar, my boyfriend thought I lost interest in our relationship, and my body hated me. So finally, I told my mom, I told my boyfriend, and I told my best friend. Guess what – NONE OF THEM thought I was a complainer, weak, or a hypochondriac. In fact, they all came to my side and helped me find some answers for why I was feeling this way.
My life for two years of law school was non-stop, I always had to be ready and prepared for the next thing. I was so concerned about looking professional, being professional, and proving myself. In fact, my motto was “fake it til you make it.” AKA – don’t be yourself, be what you need to be until you get to where you are supposed to be. Great idea, right?
On top of all this, I lost my grandmother in October of my 3L year. Words will never describe her importance to my life and the woman I am today. I grieved that loss, but I don’t know that I accepted that loss. Instead, I stayed busy and I stayed distracted. I was in the process of looking for houses, moving, and planning out my budget for the entire summer! I had an academic reputation to uphold, a lifestyle to uphold, and a job to search for. During this time, I was never present in the moment. I was always worried and thinking about the next thing. I was in a constant state of worry about my future instead of being present in the positive moments. Nothing about my last year of law school really sunk in. So, when it all came to an end in May it was like it didn’t even happen. I hated this feeling.
When I finally got this off my chest I was no longer hiding the secret – I have anxiety! First off, what is the big deal and second how could I treat this problem if I was hiding it from others and denying it to myself? This is when my journey began. I started looking into the causes for anxiety and panic attacks and understanding why my body was having these symptoms. When I understood why I understood how I could control these symptoms and the steps I needed to take to start treating my body better. This blog is a description of my path back to health and wellness. Most importantly, it’s a guide to show you that being healthy isn’t hell and being wealthy is truly about being well.