I’ve spent a lot of time recently reflecting on the character and the energy this society carries. I started to detach from the news cycles and the overwhelming rhetoric on Facebook. I had to do this because every story and every post carried with it a lick of hate or a bundle of anger. Everyone these days feels a need to express everything they are angry about.

This got me thinking. Why are we so angry? Why do we have so much hate? To answer these questions, I looked inside. I did no research and I found no medical links. This is all me. I simply reflected on my experiences and my connections with people.

Up front, know that these thoughts are in no form a judgment. They are not here to say people are wrong or right for their feelings of anger and hate. That one side or one view point is better or worse. Instead, these thoughts are meant to be the pool stick to get your ball rolling. To help you to understand why you harbor feelings of anger and hate and how to rid them.

Anger: Anger comes in two forms.

  1. Anger is only a reflection of fear. We are angry because we are fearful. 

Why are people so angry that we can legally bear arms? Because they fear what guns can do in the hands of the wrong people. They are afraid of the next news story about a kindergarten class.

Why are you so angry at a driver on the road that cut you off? Because you were afraid and you are afraid of what that driver could do.

Why are people so angry that the environment is suffering at the hands of convenience, accessibility, and cost? Because they fear the effects a poor environment has on their bodies, their children’s bodies, and their future.

Why are you so angry that Donald Trump is President? Because you fear the impact his decisions might have on your life and on this country.

2. Anger is your guard to cover up hurt 

Why are you so angry at someone who offends you? You aren’t. You are hurt and you are expressing your hurt through anger. We have been taught to stand strong and not show emotions because that is weak. For some reason though, anger is not considered a weak emotion. So when we are offended by someone’s despicable or misinformed comments we don’t express the emotions we are really feeling, we express anger. We don’t cry, we scream! We don’t say “hey that was offensive and hurt my feelings” we resent them and then start to say offensive comments to describe them.

We have made a habit in this society to not express emotion so in turn, we have confused our own feelings. This is why people sometimes call their “control issues” LOVE. They say that they are in a relationship because they are in love when really they are in a relationship because they want to have control. Either control over their own life or control over the other person. Maybe they feel in control in the bad relationship because it is comfortable to them. What would they do without it? Or maybe they don’t care so much to be with the person they are with, they just couldn’t stand to see them with someone else. This is the classic example of how we confuse our own feelings. This happens because we do not spend enough time in reflection of ourself and spend too much time trying to be what is normal or expected.

In the end, this guard is only fear. So it all circles back. Anger is simply an expression of fear. Fear of others, fear of ourselves, fear of our feelings.

Hate: Hate is twofold. Hate is a reflection of fear and self-loathing.

Why do people hate other people for being different? Because they fear the differences in other people. This is a direct reflection of that person’s own self-loathing. They fear that “minority” might take their job or their admission to that ivy league school. When in reality, they question their own ability to get that job, keep that job, or secure that spot. They are insecure in their worth.

Why do you hate your ex? Because you fear having to experience the pain they caused you ever again. Because deep inside you know that the pain they caused you was avoidable. You are mad at yourself for not leaving earlier, not stepping up for yourself, not valuing yourself, not putting your feet down and walking away when you “should have saw it coming.”

Why do people hate diets? Because they are afraid to let go of what they are already doing. They do not know how to part with the junk food that fills the cupboards and the 10-minute lunch routine to Chick Fil A that works with their schedule. Because they do not trust themselves to return results. They are reminded of all the past diets where they failed themselves.

How to get rid of Anger and Hate: Easy.

Take Control, Take Responsibility, Trust Yourself, Value Yourself

If Anger and Hate are simply reflections of fear and self-loathing this means they are merely expressions of doubt. Doubt in others and doubt in ourselves.

To rid yourself of Anger you have to lose the doubt you have in other people. Do this by taking control of your own life. We have this twisted belief that we must continue to be angry and doubt other people.

In some ways, we are fearful to stop being fearful. We feel like if we aren’t angry than the bad stuff isn’t going to stop happening. This simply isn’t true. In fact, if we were less angry and more charitable there would be a better chance that bad stuff might stop happening. No matter how angry you are at the mentally ill person who picks up a gun and shoots an innocent man, woman, or child your anger is not going to stop that event from happening. Your fear that it can happen again is not going to go away just because you stay angry and you post about your anger on Facebook.

No matter how angry you are at the mentally ill person who picks up a gun and shoots an innocent man, woman, or child your anger is not going to stop that event from happening. Your fear that it could happen again is not going to go away just because you stay angry and you post about your anger on Facebook.

We craft law after law and give speech after speech about these atrocities but it doesn’t change the fact that there are people in this world who do not abide by the laws and who do not view these events as tragedies.

That is scary.  But fear of those people, those car accidents, those pesticides, those “politicians” is not going to make things better. It is going to make things ANGRIER. I mean Holy Sh*t, could we get any angrier in America right now? Good Grief!

We might all turn red! (that might fix a different problem 😉 – we’d all be the same color!)

You know what will work. Taking control of your anger. Really, taking control of your fear. What are you afraid of right now that is making you angry? Is it guns, is it driving, is it politics, is it the future. STOP! Stop being afraid. Trust yourself and take control of what you have control over. Don’t buy the gun, don’t speed, don’t drink and drive, don’t drink the kool-aid. Whatever it is, just take control of that fear.

We cannot live our lives in fear of other people. We cannot live our lives worrying about if we can trust the stranger around the corner or in the car next to us. We can trust ourselves. We can control ourselves. We can encourage others to do the same. We don’t have to yell about it, cuss about it, scream about, get red in the face about. We can simply pass on the message to let go of fear and in turn let go of anger. We can ask other people to do this and not judge them if their fear is different than ours.

For example, if the person your talk with is afraid to have guns outlawed because they are afraid they won’t be able to protect themselves without a weapon. Do not judge them, do not get angry with them. Encourage them to find a way to remove that fear. If you can do this, you have removed your own fear.  You have found security in yourself and trust that you are controlling your own life, not other people.

To Rid Yourself of Hate. You must first stop hating yourself. Forgive yourself. Accept your mistakes and your past as lessons and move on from them. Get over your insecurities and start to love and trust your abilities.

No matter how different other people are they deserve respect. They deserve to be valued. They deserve to be loved. They deserve to be heard. They deserve a chance.

Do not express hatred towards someone who is different simply because you are afraid of their differences. You are afraid of what they can offer that you cannot. A common way we express hate towards people who are different than us is by boasting ourselves up.

We talk about the many things that we offer that they don’t, the can’t. We are looking for reassurance. We are seeking affirmation that we are better. We are different in the good way! Isn’t that silly? We are all different but only some of us are different in the good way? That is ridiculous.

We are all different. We are all different in good ways. Difference inherently brings with it value. The only determination that has to be made is where that difference is most valued. Some peoples different is needed in the law, some peoples different is needed in the medical field, some peoples different is needed in the arts. There is a place for everyone’s differences. There is a need for difference.

We have to respect difference, we have to learn from differences. We have to realize that the person who is different than us might really be more valuable to that job or that school but only because your different is needed or destined at another job or school. Our differences pave our paths but at the end of the path we all end up together. We all operate to create a world together. We can only live in a healthy and happy world if we respect and value one another for our similarities and our differences.

There is nothing to hate about someone else unless you are hating something inside yourself. If you love yourself totally, 100%, head to toe, failures and successes, past, present, and future there is no reason to hate. There is no fear that someone is different in the good way or someone is different in the bad way. There is only differences that you respect and you learn from. The differences that got you to where you are today. Don’t ever forget that this world is not just about you. This world is operating on the differences we all have and the value that brings.

Stop hating other people, other races, other genders, other HUMANS! Stop hating your ex, stop hating the girl he cheated on you with or the guy she left you for. Stop hating the diet you failed at or the fitness model you’ll never be. Stop hating it all by loving and accepting yourself. We only hate when we fear and when we self-loathe. We cannot hate when we trust, when we embrace and when we value.

Take control. Love and protect yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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